Phil the Ground Hog predicts global warming-no more winters ever!! But did you know..
Phil the Ground Hog, as we all know, has a little bro, Bobbi, who two years ago was involved in a big riot on Ground Hog’s Day when Phil was coming out (yes he’s gay and single Jody) of his ground hole to predict the weather for 8 weeks. Since then, after the repression of the Da La Lamba (turns out Da La Lamba was actually interested in Phil), things had been quiet until this year.
This year it was discovered that Bobbi who is originally from Ireland and recently moved back there, is actually the son of Wayne La Pier-cee! Rumors have swirled for years that Phil was gay (born of royal descent) and now this about Bobbi! Wayne came over years ago to Ireland to help the IRA (Irish Republic Army) get their guns and had an affair with Bobbi’s mother. No wonder Wayne is against extensive background checks! He doesn’t want anyone to know his background! Now this explains why Bobbi loves his guns so much and unwilling to give up his assault weapons! Bobbi has meanwhile been storing up a huge arsenal of guns, assault weapons and ammo because he knows that there is a big movement to ban them in America and is afraid it will move across the big pond. He can’t swim but knows those crazy Americans are always trying to set some new record swimming across the big pond and knows they will someday secede (opps I mean succeed). And some (notice I said some) of them just might secede like those gun toting Texans! Maybe they’ll go join up with Bobbi. Meanwhile Bobbi has installed armed guards in every ground hog school to protect his kind from those crazy varmits in America who know it is their god given right (really? I don’t remember reading that in the bible) to bear arms (legs and tails too). Opps, I’m wrong-it’s their Constitutional Right! But that’s ok, cause they’re always getting religion mixed up with their politics in America. And did you know that before ground hogs predicted the weather, hedgehogs predicted it? Yes, it’s true! But that’s another story for another day…
PS—Every winter I get delirious from lack of gardening and write these whimsical stories on Ground Hog’s Day when I really rather be out digging (like a ground hog). Still gotcha? Wanna read more? To read more on Phil the Ground Hog and his little bro Bobbi, go to my previous posts from the beginning of my delirium-The real story of Phil the groundhog! , Phil the groundhog continued.. , Possible Coup Coming on Ground Hog Day in 2011 and Ground Hog Day 2011-Phil Predicts an Early Spring -Fierce Battle Takes Place Before Ceremony .
For more interesting and maybe factual reading on the ground hog go to ‘What’s Your Ground Hog Day IQ’
DISCLAIMER: All names have been changed to protect my innocence.