Special Wikileak Release: 12:15 am, Tuesday, Feb 1, 2011
This will be a special anniversary for Phil the groundhog. Phil has been coming out of his bed for 125 years! The anniversary is called the quasiquicentennial. What he doesn’t know is what is going to happen tomorrow. What an old fart! No wonder Bobbi, Phil’s little brother is sick of him and his seemingly aristocratic ways! What Bobbi, doesn’t know is that Phil’s been forced out of his bed, not voluntarily coming out on his own for all those years and hopes some other groundhog will someday rescue him. The picture you see of him and his so called ‘servants’ are really his handlers who force him out every year. He wants to retire and let some one younger take his spot in the limelight but on Phil’s terms.
So while Bobbi is planning his coup on this Ground Hog’s Day with his militia (to depose Phil and get more rights for groundhogs), and Phil has gathered his troops to at least defend his title (so he can leave honorably), a third character has been quietly waiting in the shadows hoping for both to destroy each other so he may take over Phil’s title. This character is Daa Lee Lamba, a mild mannered lamb that wants to take the title for himself. He too was exiled from his native land, (the Baaaaaad Lands of South Lakota) to a Kiddie petting zoo in England for cross dressing as a ground hog. He was always considered the black sheep of his family and rejected by his family with his radical sheep fantasies of being someone other than who he was- a common sheep. He says he only advocates
peace but has secretly coveted Phil’s position for years and has planted other groundhog followers in both Phils troops and Bobbi’s militia organization that keep him informed of what both of them are up to and to stir things up. He has thousands of other groundhogs who look up to him as a holy lamb who will lead them into the night. (they like all things dark and earthy smelling). He also plans on going to Gobblers Knob with his masses of groundhog followers to make sure neither one will gain or retain the title. Phil or Bobbi have no idea of what is to come tomorrow.. Stay tuned for the final conclusion!